im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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