I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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