I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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