i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
