they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize
