My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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