Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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