brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I believe in your delicious
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
