I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am one with the molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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