I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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