I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize