I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
how drunk are you?
Several
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
