I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
