After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
