We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
