she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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