Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
