I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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