why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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