Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
