I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
