Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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