pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
