R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize