All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
