The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
