4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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