his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
