Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
