He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
