She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
