i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
