You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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