I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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