They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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