is your mom at the bar?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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