I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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