Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
