Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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