If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
