I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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