on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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