Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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