Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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