I am full of burrito and curiosity
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
