Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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