I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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