Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
