dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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