No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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