You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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