she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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