my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
