got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
