I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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