Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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