saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
