The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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