he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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