Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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