i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
