I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
farters have to be the big spoon...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
