you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
