It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
