We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
