I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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