I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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