I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
