she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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