Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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