He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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