Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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