Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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