my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
